Not too long ago, my oldest Son told me that Stan Lee didn't breakthrough as the Legend he was until he was 45 years old. I don't know if thats accurate but, it did resonate with me. I thought, my 40's would be the time were I would have no choice but, to live with the choices I have made. I'd be too old to full fill any dreams I had. 40 would simply be too late.
That thinking changed when I decided, two years ago, that I was going to love myself for the first time in my life. I already felt a stirring within me. A sensation that I couldn't ignore. So, I paid attention. And when my Son dropped that knowledge on me, I knew I was meant for more than complacency.
2019 has been interesting to say the least. For me the year started off with a bout of depression I thought I wouldn't survive. I was heartbroken. I was stuck. The enormous amounts of rain and The Cure helped some. As the months trickled on, I began to analyze the few things that brought some light into my pit of despair.
Horror related outings.
Then I remembered I've wanted to write for as long as I can remember. I was always good at it. I was always comforted by it. But, was I good enough now? At 39? Well, Rick Creeper decided he was going to do what he has always wanted to do. Despite his fear. And look at him now. Terry M. West is still cranking out books left and right. Whats holding me back?
In late July, there was a shift that happened that I cannot explain. I was sick and made the mistake of taking Prednisone at midnight. I was up all night, feeling revived. I watched the sun rise for the first time in years. And as it did, I felt this shifting energy within me. I was going to be fine. Better than fine. I was going to live openly, freely and fucking prosper despite any societal push back.
A week later, I attended Midsummer Scream. Those two days at the Long Beach Convention Center was ground zero of the MichelleHalloween mania. While I have attended every year, except 2018, I kept to the shadows. I don't know what chaos magick enticed me, but, I refused to lurk this time around. I made a point to make myself uncomfortable. Though, not once did I feel that way. I decided I wouldn't care if I made it weird for the people I decided to talk to. I would just be me in all my happiness. That weekend, I met @James Carter from @Creepy Kingdom in person. I met @mrdeathbreath and @theartofsammyruiz ! I was a fan of their art before we became the dear friends we are now. The whole weekend was spent with me talking to everyone I could. I left feeling empowered as all fuck. I knew I had to just start doing. Start being. And what better excuse than pure "exposure" to get to all the haunts and events possible?!
The next thing I knew, I was attending events weekly in September. Even when I didn't feel like going, I went. It always paid off. I met more and more of the horror community and I felt myself finding my place in the world. I've been saying I am not done with LA for some time. Now, I know why. On September, 19th, I attended the opening of Knott's Scary Farm. I once again ran into the Creepy Kingdom gang. We took a pic and I ran back to Chuck and my friends and said, "Within the next six months to a year, I am going to reach out to James and apply to become a Creepy Kingdom Contributor." One week later, to the day, with only a few blogs posted, James reached out to ask me if I'd like to be part of Creepy Kingdom.
I cannot express enough that magick is real and it works. It's come natural to me my entire life. I just didn't know how to work with it. While I am always seeking to learn more and always digging deeper into the power within, I am still shocked every time my intentions are manifested. It all comes easier when I just let it flow freely.
The last few weeks of 2019 have been postively life altering . My beloved season was full of incredible experiences from interviewing Davey Calabrese to Rob Zombie being kind enough to take a pic with Spookysquad69. I attended wonderful events that brought me into the presence of the most beautiful and magickal people like @deerwomen and @mysticdylan. I have collaborated with talented visionaries like Jaqueline, the founder of the @witchesbrew events and my main mentor, Rick Creeper. I have found a circle of mentally unstable misfits who can all have a great time just being in each other's presence. Without judgement or questioning why each of us are what we are and do what we do. We support each other without even having to try. We have experienced magick together. I know that enormous things are coming for the Spooky Squad in 2020.
This next decade, instead of taking all of these experiences as just moments to cherish, I will harness and use the power they filled me with to unleash an Earth Shattering phenomenon. This surge of energy causes me to shake just from thinking about it. I cannot say exactly what will happen as I am allowing my spirit guides to hold my hand and whisper truths in my ears. So, just watch and see.
I hope that each of you reading this and feeling that stirring within yourselves, that you too listen to that voice within you. Embrace your darkness and you'll find your light.
Happy New Year!